For Christmas, because of a huge cluster, it’s looking like my family will be split up again because of absolute bs. The reader’s digest version is I suggested we do secret Santa this year in an attempt to save some money. Somehow, one of my brother’s friends bogarted her way into our secret santa and my husband happens to hate her. So, my sister in law suggested we do dinner at my house instead of her’s and now, 2 days before christmas, I’m being told that she will be coming here. Of course my husband doesn’t want her here. Dilema. I don’t really like her either. I’m not sure how the hell this all happened. So when I express my feelings to my brother about this, he told me to change the location of the dinner. Easier said then done; I’ve invited 2 other families to my house. It’s a total of 9 other people being affected. I can’t move it. Plus, why the hell should I have to for this one woman who I didn’t invite to my damn house who I, or my husband don’t like?  So, it appears that my immediate family is not coming to my house for christmas. In a way, I’m crazy pissed off. This is so ridiculous. Are you serious? Because of this one woman, who even my brother talks about, it’s breaking up my family event. On the other hand, fine whatever. Do what you want.

I know one thing is for sure; I’m giving up on the family togetherness for the holidays, and in general. I’m so pissed at this whole situation. IT’s dumb. As I sit here fighting this fight, mostly for my husband, he has nothing to say. Yes, he made it clear that he didn’t want her here, but he has also sat here watching how this is breaking up my family because of this woman. He says nothing- even as I try to defend his feelings. I can’t believe both my mother and my brother are choosing to not be here because of all of this. I am all over the place and don’t know what to think. The one thing I know for sure- I’m done with this shit. I’ve compeltely over this family togetherness for the holidays. I know now that accommdations are made for everyone but me, so none of them should expect me to go out of my way for anyone anymore. I’m over it.

As much as some brides may not want to admit it, this is our day and with that comes pressure and stress. We want to make sure that the vendors we’ve spent massive amounts of time vetting turn out to be perfect. We worry about everything from how good the food will be to whether a bridesmaid will wear a scowl the whole day. Some of us are able to keep it all in stride and not show too many crazy tendencies. Other’s, well, they are like the ones you see on the show Bridezillas.

Honestly, planning a wedding is one more thing you have to do in addition with all your other responsibilities, so people should expect you to react sometimes to things that just aren’t going your way. I think I’m still early enough in the process of my planning to not have had to have a full blown breakdown, but my assumption is it will happen, and people will simply have to cut me some slack because it’s a rough period for brides. You truly don’t understand the stress until you get into it. Who are you going to invite? Who will be bridesmaids? What will we eat? What do I wear? This is tip of the iceberg. Every bride has that moment when something that we deem to be clear and not an issue becomes one and we throw our hands up in the air, shed a tear and take it out on whomever happens to be accessible at that moment. Trust me, it’s never personal; it’s pure stress and frustration.

Writing this, I realize it’s basically my preemptive warning to all involved in my wedding. Luckily, things have been smooth, but inevitably, something will go wrong. I guess this is your chance to run!

In life, the man had no peace. His stardom, along with questionable decisions, made him the target of allegations of everything from child abuse to drug use. In death, it continues. I honestly didn’t mind it while he was alive. He was here to make the choice to defend himself, or not. Now that he’s dead, perhaps a bit of apathy needs to be practiced and the media and naysayers should leave him and his legacy, positive or negative alone.

This is a man who despite his personal struggles was the best pop artist of our time.  He is the Generation X’s Beatles and Elvis. His number one albums are endless. His talent is unquestionable. He opened doors for numerous artists while never losing himself.  In addition to his tremendous musical career, he was a humanitarian, donating time and money to numerous charities. He combined these two worlds by creating popular songs like “We are the World” and “Heal the World”. Someone this talented and philanthropic should not be vilified in death. His private life needs to be decoupled from his professional one.  None of us are entitled to know about his alleged drug use, cause of death, or overall health. He is not family. He is a public icon who needs to be remembered for the good he has done. Let’s not forget that he is a father above all and the skeletons we as a public force the media to remind us of only hurt the people who mattered most to him.

I feel for his family; his children, mother, siblings and true friends. They lost someone we as simple bystanders to his life can’t understand or fathom. He was their world, their son, father and friend.  Even the MJ naysayers need to respect the fact that he meant something to someone. Instead of spreading the alleged bad acts of this man, let him rest, and let them mourn in peace without having to defend his character. We are not his judge and do not have the right to convict him of things we know absolutely nothing about. The media needs to back off and let the family grieve.  While MJ meant a lot to his fans, he will be missed most by his family. Let’s not taint their image of him.

A while back, I was “friended” by an acquaintance I had from New Jersey. If memory serves me correctly, we met at Woodbridge Mall.  I was with a couple of friends; and so was he. Looking back on the situation, I guess maybe he was trying to pick me up, but was too nervous to seal the deal. Little did he know then and certainly now, that I had absolutely no romantic interest in him whatsoever. Nonetheless, we struck up a friendship and kept in touch until I moved to Maryland. I took his e-mail, knowing I would never use it. He did the same.

Last night, in my state of boredom while waiting for the new Dancing with the Stars winner to be crowned, I got on Facebook and started surfing around. He had recently changed his profile status to something silly; something sports related. But, he had uploaded a new picture; one of this little girl. So I commented on the picture, asking who that was- you know, the nosey thing  Facebook allows us to do without seeming too nosey. After commenting, I realized that he was actually online so I sent him a little note. “Whose the little girl?” His response, “my daughter.”

Oh wow! That’s so cute. He has a kid. So, I congratulated him and started with my myriad of questions. I asked how old she was. His answer; two.  Are you married? Reply: “No, I’ll never marry.”

Hmmm. Interesting. “Never marry”, I ask.  That sounds like a story. So, I continue in my journalistic, interview way.

“Really, why’s that?” His response: “Not for me.” OK, vague; maybe he doesn’t want to talk about it.

So I change it up just a bit; still on my quest to get the story, while not sounding like a stalker. “Does she live with you?”

His answer: “Yes.”

Me, “Ahh, how sweet! Does her mom live with you too?”

Him, “No. She has her own place.”

Well, that’s interesting. He lives with his daughter, but mommy doesn’t. That sounds to me like he’s a single dad which is so endearing and special. At this point, he should have been able to figure out that I was prying; looking for a story. He should have known; from knowing the line of questioning, and knowing me, that I wasn’t stopping, and I was trying to get to the bottom of this, regardless of whether it was my place. So I say “Wow! You’re a single dad! You have custody of a 2 year old. How admirable!”

Then, I get “no, not really.”

Um, Huh? I’m confused.  So I say “Um, huh? I’m confused.”

Him, “She stays with her mother.”

Ok, do you see where this is going? Now, I’m completely baffled. Logic tells me something’s up. If you live with your daughter; not her mother, but said daughter lives with her mother, then I’m confused by most of this conversation. Then the truth starts to unravel. Him, “I see her every other weekend. We have joint custody”.

Ahhh! Now I see. You’re a part time dad; and there is nothing wrong with that. Where the problem lies is the half truth you just told. Your daughter doesn’t “live” with you. “Living” with you would indicate primary physical custody; that’s not the situation. So, when I say some variation of that, he retorts with “I put her to bed every night”.

Before I address how or why that happens, I think to myself, why did this conversation go down the lie road? Was he trying to impress me as a feeble attempt to make himself relevant? Or, was he just trying to be private? Or did he simply not think that anyone cares? The issue I have is that you lied; whether through omission or purposely. Why would you negate the part played by that child’s mother in her life to uplift the part you play?

These lie’s men; and I guess some women spew is annoying and unnecessary; especially when we’re talking about something that doesn’t matter really in the scope of the relationship or conversation. So what you have a kid that doesn’t live with you all the time; it doesn’t mean that you’re a bad father. It has nothing to do with the care that child receives. Honestly is always the best policy; especially when your lies are so easily broken down.

So I ended up giving this guy the business; told him that women hate liars and what he attempted to lead me to believe was in fact a lie. He tried feebly to legitimize it all; but it was 10:55pm and sadly, I was no longer interested in him, his child, or his living situation; Dancing with the Stars was crowing it’s new winner! Clearly, much more important. I signed off with a word of advice for him; try honesty with people instead of fairy tales. In the end, the person on the receiving end will always appreciate it.

What Moats asked for seemed pretty reasonable to me; he knew he broke the law, he knew he deserved a ticket. He was simply trying to get help for his dying mother in law. Instead Powel (who is 25 I might add) detained him saying things like “I can screw you over… I’d rather not do that. I can take you to jail for running the red light.” All the while, Moats pleaded to go see his mother in law. This ordeal last 13 minutes, ending only after a ER doctor and nurse came out and told the officer he needed to get inside before the woman died. Turns out, she did not make it, and Moats did not see her alive again.

I have friends who are police officers and I respect their decision to pursue a career where your life could be on the line at any moment. However, taking this job to feel powerful and authoritative over others is simply wrong. There are too many stories like this; officers shooting aimlessly into cars; beating up unarmed “suspects”; these incidents need to stop! I understand that everyone is entitled to a bad day at work, but when your work has to do with the lives of others, you need to be on top of your game at all times. This incident, like so many others, is inexcusable and was preventable. Powel stopped Moats in the parking lot of the ER! Clearly, there was an emergency. He wasn’t breaking the law for the fun of it.

Even in routine traffic stops I’ve encountered, the police officers I’ve dealt with have had this air of superiority. It’s ridiculous! They spout off at the mouth and hide behind their badge; assuming that you won’t say anything in fear of a ticket, or worse. That’s insane! First, I’m not apologetic when one pulls me over. If I was speeding, fine, give me the ticket and I’ll see you in court. Second, watch what you say, because when you became a cop, you were expected to be HELPFUL, not hurtful, and certainly not disrespectful. Your comments will come back to bite you. How do police officers expect us to respect them as a profession when some of them act like idiots? This officer has been placed on Administrative paid leave (for now) awaiting further investigation. I sincerely hope that he not only gets fired, but the department gets sued. I have a sneaking suspicion this is not over.

OK, OK… I think everyone is so over Octo Mom, but I honestly am counting down the days till Child Services realizes that this nut job shouldn’t raise 1 child, let alone 14. I’m sure everyone knows all the back story, but the newest saga is Suleman’s “firing” of the FREE nurses helping her raise her liter. Good Ole’ Dr. Phil arranged for a group Angels in Waiting to provide round the clock care for Suleman’s kids, and crazy lady fired them after less the a week because she feared they were going to abduct her liter. I debate in my head whether someone “abducting” these kids would be such a bad thing; I mean, clearly, just about anyone could do a better job at raising these kids then she can.  She has 14 children under 7 but somehow finds time to give daily interviews to gossip sites, give tours of her new leased house, be photographed buying everything… but diapers, and shop at high end stores like BeBe.  At first I thought Suleman birthed the liter for some weird social experiment on siblings since she has none, but the more and more this fiasco is publicized, the more I think she did it because she likes being a freak show. Honestly, could there be any other reason that she appears everywhere everyday with some new ludicrous situation? It’s unfortunate, but the likelihood of these children ending up even remotely functionally normal is slim to none. When people like this pop up, I begin to wonder if maybe just maybe you should have to get a license to have children….

I always find it interesting how many people; women especially, get caught up in worrying if someone likes you. I often find myself on the explanation side of a conversation on why someone made a certain decision or did what they did; almost as if they are in search my approval and understanding. I guess what these people don’t understand is usually, I actually don’t care. You’re grown and make your own decisions. If I don’t like them, then, I have to deal with it. It is what it is.

I’m a manager and have been for a number of years. When I first started dealing with people on the employee/manager level, I did get inundated with trying to make the people who worked for me like me. It completely stressed me out and made me crazy. I second guessed every decision I made because I wanted to make sure that what I was doing would be in line with them seeing me favorably. That, of course, was not the reason my employers hired me. They wanted me to manage; straighten things out, and make decisions that were good for the business. The employees like or dislike of it was a non-issue. Of course, after a couple of months, I began to adopt the belief that you didn’t have to like me. It was simply easier.

While it may sound harsh, and even a bit conceited, I have to do what’s best for my interests and if that alienates people and makes them not like me, then that’s on them. I can’t really be bothered with over thinking how people feel about me. Don’t get me wrong; I try to always act right; like a Christian, (as my mom would tell me) but I can’t base every decision I make on whether or not the other party involved will be ok with that decision. This is both true professionally and personally. At work, I have to make decisions, sometimes very hard ones, that are not always in line with what a subordinate believes should be done. At home, in my personal life, I have think about what’s best for me, and the people close to me of course. If you end up on the fray of that, not appreciating a decision I’ve made, then it’s tough luck for you. I’m unapologetic for what I do and feel. I have a strong personality and am very opinionated. If that doesn’t mesh with what your ideal of me should be, then my suggestion to you would be to cut me out of your life. I have no intention to change.

My advice to people out there is to get over the need to be liked. Come to grips with the fact that not everyone is going to like you all the time. It’s impossible to please the masses unless you decide to lose yourself. While some may see it has a huge character flaw, I wholeheartedly believe that you don’t have to like me. I’m not for everyone. Chances are, you’re not either.

Each day I realize I’m more and more like my mother. When I first started really thinking about it, the idea scared the crap out of me. Don’t get me wrong; my mother is great. Those of you who know her, love her. I do too. But, the idea of turning into her is frightening. And, it would also mean that everything that she’s said is true. Not sure if I want to face that yet. When I was a child she said something to me that made me cringe: “you were born alone; you can live alone.” This statement was typically made after I protested to her not letting me go over to a friends house, or out to the mall by myself, or other things teenagers like to do. I wanted to hang with my friends; meet new people, laugh, joke and have fun. She was trying to protect me. In her infinite wisdom, she was trying to teach me that not everyone is your friend, and trusting all of them was a bad idea. She would instead push me going to my cousins houses, who lived very close by. “Go to Grandma’s house and talk to Nicki”. (My closet cousin in age.) I would always roll my eyes; I love my cousins and loved hanging out with them, but that was normal and familiar. I wanted newness and… well, gossip.

As I get older, her statement makes more and more sense to me. All these “friends” I’ve made and claim to have are not really friends. Webster’s Dictionary defines friend as a person whom one knows, likes and trusts. I guess I look at it a bit deeper. I depend on my friends to be there for me. I expect to be there for them when they need it. By both definitions, I don’t have too many friends; I have “friends”: the people in your life who you’ve picked up along the way. You share some stuff with them, but not the important stuff. You brag when times are good, but pull back and hibernate in bad times. You judge their decisions and refuse to share yours because you don’t want to be judged. You ask your friends for advice knowing that you’re going to get sound unbiased opinions on situations. Your real friends keep you grounded; tell you when you’re wrong or being a bit over the top. “Friends” indulge your silliness and then talk about you to their “friends” ruling you an idiot.

I’ve been burned, purposely and outright as well as unintentionally by “friends”. There have been people; and I guess there still are people whom you expect to act certain ways in certain situations. I find I’m typically disappointed by that expectation. I guess I feel that when in crisis, my friend should be there for me. Unfortunately, “friends” don’t see your crisis as something they should involve themselves in. They’re take is you can handle it, or better yet, it’s not even a crisis; you’re just over-reacting. I have “friends” who I want to be friends with because I see the potential. But, they keep me and I assume others at arms length when it comes to them because they too have been burned by “friends”. It’s an awful vicious story; not to mention sickly unfortunate. I’m sad when I see a “friend” who I want to be a friend going through something and know that they don’t value my opinion; or they’re too scared to ask for it. Then, there are “friends” who do nothing but wish bad on you. They pry because they want to seek out wholes in your life; waiting to see you screw up, or be emotionally hurt. I have “friends” who are jealous of whatever part of my life they envy to have for themselves. They make little snide comments when I share something meaningless with them. (For, I know they are not friends… they’ve displayed this behavior with me before, so they just get stuff- not important stuff)

So, who are your real friends? Luckily, I have a great family and consider most of them my friends. That helps because I know that I can always go to them for advice and help. I’m lucky to also be in a great relationship with someone I can actually call my friend. And I do have a couple of friends out there too. Not as many as I thought I did, but certainly a couple who I know, like, trust and can depend on.  I’m learning; I can easily identify my friends vs. my “friends” and now the statement mom was famous for makes a bit more sense.

Sometimes it’s important to be given a friendly reminder that you’re not perfect. Well, here it is; You’re not perfect. Guess what? I’m not either; none of us are. We’ve all got our “baggage” or “stuff”; whatever you want to call it.

It’s quite frustrating going through life surrounded by people who don’t want to own their faults. I understand if you want to strive for perfection; but you should realize that true perfection is unattainable and an unrealistic expectation. It’s ok to be screwy; we all are. We are not going to be able to do everything well all the time. Instead of trying to forget your faults, or being in this constant state of denial that you have them, you need to embrace them and make decisions on how you can improve them.  I know personally, I’d prefer if people were up front with me when their faults start to show, but I can understand that not everyone is to that point yet. The important thing is you take responsibility for them. If you know you have an ego, dial it down a bit when you’re faced with tasks you don’t know how to do. Better yet, when you are asked to do something you don’t know how to do, be up front and say you don’t know how to do it instead of trying it; screwing it up and then pissing everyone off.

I’m 30 years old, so I know just about everything wrong with me. On top of my own self discovery, I’ve also spent some time on a couch, (yup, and totally not ashamed of it Stress can be a mother…. and sometimes you need to talk things out.) and that really does help you realize how screwed up you are. I can catalog the things wrong with me; I’m anal and want my way. It isn’t new; it’s an issue I’ve had since childhood. I’ve always been bossy; I’ve always wanted to execute things my way. My teachers told my parents I never wanted to compromise. I’ll admit that I still don’t. However; I know that being anal and not compromising is not something that I can go through life effectively with. So, to compensate, I try to think about situations from another person’s point of view and take a step back.. In many instances, it completely pisses me off that I can’t be in control, because I feel I’m always right (another fault). But, in order to be considerate of other people’s feelings, I concede. Now, this practice doesn’t happen all the time. Just because I own my faults doesn’t mean I act right 100% of the time; but at least I’m honest with myself and when I don’t self correct, I know I was wrong.  I could go on for days about my faults, but I think you get the point; practice being honest with others and yourself. It’s ok to be broken; none of us are perfect.